The First Year After Loss: Navigating Grief With Compassion

Written By Larissa Childers

A compassionate, real-world guide to the first 12 months of grief — written by someone who has lived it and supported hundreds through it.

Introduction: My Own First Years of Grief (and Why I’m Writing This)

I’ve gone through the first year of grief four different times now, and surprisingly, it never becomes “easier” with age, experience, or even professional training. Two of those losses happened during chaotic seasons of life — times when I didn’t have the space or safety to truly sit with my grief. One loss happened when I was ten. And this most recent one… this one shook me in a way I didn’t expect.

As a grief and loss therapist, I walked into the year thinking I had maturity, predictability, and the clinical knowledge that should have made grief feel manageable. But grief doesn’t care how prepared we think we are. It’s humbling. It’s unpredictable. And it’s deeply human.

As I write this, I’m closing out the first 12 months after my most recent loss. And for the first time in a long time, I’m starting to feel a version of myself again. Not the “old” me — a new version. One shaped by loss, clarity, and compassion.

I share this because even therapists experience the disorientation of grief. And my hope is that if you’re in your first year of grief, you can find connection, comfort, and a sense of normalization in what you’re feeling.

This blog is both a reflection and a resource — a blend of my personal experience and what I’ve learned supporting hundreds of grieving clients. If you’re looking for guidance on what to expect in the first year of grief, this is for you.

The First Year of Grief: What You Should Know

1. Grief Isn’t Linear (Even Though We Wish It Was)

One of the most important things to know — and yet the hardest to accept — is that grief does not move in a straight or predictable line.

Some days you may feel steady. Then suddenly, out of nowhere, you’re hit with a wave of emotion that feels like you’re back at square one.

If I could give you a visual, grief feels like playing Candyland with the card deck completely out of order:

  • one moment you’re in the peppermint forest

  • the next you’ve been sent right back to the gingerbread tree

It doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong. It means you’re grieving — and grieving after loss is unpredictable by nature.

Why this happens:

Your brain and body are constantly trying to make sense of the absence. That means old memories, sensory triggers, and even random moments can activate your grief. Healing is happening even when it feels messy.

2. Your Body Will Be Your Compass (Even When Your Mind Feels Foggy)

During the first year of grief, your body often speaks before your mind can make sense of anything.

You may notice:

  • increased fatigue

  • changes in appetite

  • brain fog

  • tension or heaviness

  • irritability

  • difficulty focusing

  • the sudden need for rest or quiet

  • the opposite — needing to be around people

This is your body saying, “I’m carrying something heavy. Please adjust accordingly.”

For me, my body asked for:

  • extra sleep

  • fewer social engagements

  • lighthearted TV (hello, New Girl rewatch)

  • predictable meals

  • mental breaks

None of that was “lazy.” It was grief.

Listen to what your body is asking for — not what you wish it would need.

It may request:

  • rest

  • structure

  • simplicity

  • comfort food

  • slower mornings

  • therapy

  • journaling

  • quiet weekends

  • time alone

Let your body guide you. It often knows what you need before you do.

3. Self-Compassion Will Be Your Lifeline

Trusting yourself during grief requires enormous compassion. You’re navigating an invisible wound that others cannot always see or understand.

Some phrases I offer clients — and used myself this year:

  • “You are not being dramatic.”

  • “You’re not ‘too emotional.’ You’re hurting.”

  • “You don’t need permission to feel your feelings.”

  • “Your grief is valid even if others don’t understand it.”

Self-compassion looks like:

  • not swallowing tears when they show up

  • leaving social events early

  • lowering the bar for chores (laundry moved from washer → dryer absolutely counts)

  • eating simple meals

  • journaling about your loss

  • writing a letter to your loved one

  • taking mental health days

  • changing holiday plans

  • saying no without guilt

Grief is hard enough. You don’t need to add self-judgment on top of it.

4. Relationships May Change (Sometimes Gently, Sometimes Sharply)

This part can feel tender — and unexpected.

In the first year of grief, you may notice:

  • some people show up consistently

  • some are supportive for a while, then fade

  • some can’t handle your grief and create distance

  • some walk with you closely because they understand loss too

  • some surprise you with their depth and compassion

Grief reshapes your support system. This is normal, though painful at times.

You may grieve:

  • the people who drift

  • the friendships that feel different

  • the partners or family members who don’t fully “get it”

You may also feel deeply grateful for:

  • the friend who checks in

  • the coworker who quietly makes space

  • the partner who helps with household tasks

  • the person who simply says your loved one’s name

Let this year show you who feels safe for your healing.

5. The Calendar Will Feel Different (Holidays, Anniversaries, and Milestones Hit Hard)

Time doesn’t pause for grief — even though it should.

Throughout the first year, certain days can feel like emotional landmines:

  • holidays

  • birthdays

  • Mother’s Day or Father’s Day

  • the anniversary of the loss

  • the day you received the phone call

  • their favorite season

  • their favorite recipe

  • family traditions that now feel empty

These moments can bring up:

  • sadness

  • numbness

  • anger

  • longing

  • anxiety

  • the desire to skip the day entirely

Your emotional response to these dates is valid. It doesn’t mean you’re going backwards. It means you loved someone deeply.

It’s okay to:

  • change traditions

  • keep traditions

  • skip holidays

  • celebrate differently

  • honor them privately

  • do something meaningful in their memory

  • do absolutely nothing at all

There is no “right” way to handle the calendar in the first year of grief.

Closing Reflections: You Are Not Going Backwards — You Are Grieving

If you take just one thing from this blog, let it be this:

You are not doing grief wrong. You’re learning how to live in a world that looks different now.

The first year after loss is filled with:

  • unpredictable waves

  • emotional exhaustion

  • deep reflection

  • body-based signals

  • shifting relationships

  • meaningful moments

  • unexpected growth

And little by little — sometimes so slowly you barely notice — you begin to feel pieces of yourself again.

Not the old you.
Not the “before” you.

A new you with more depth, clarity, tenderness, and compassion.

You are doing better than you think.
You are healing, even on the days that don’t feel like healing.
And you deserve gentleness every step of the way.

If You’re Navigating the First Year of Grief, You Don’t Have to Do It Alone

Grief is overwhelming, unpredictable, and deeply personal. If this blog resonated with you and you’re wanting support as you move through your first year after loss, I’m here to help.

I specialize in grief and loss therapy and support individuals who are trying to understand their new normal after someone they love has died.

You deserve a space where your grief is honored, supported, and understood.

If you’re ready to begin therapy — or simply curious about what your next step might look like — you can schedule a free 15-minute consultation below.

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Larissa Childers https://larissachilderstherapy.com